Questions commonly asked by Norte Americano Border Patrol agents these days

 

State your nationality as currently perceived by these United States.

Can you spell where you are from using only American letters?

Can you regurgitate your original birth certificate with the raised seal?

State your mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s maiden name before the colonizers baptised her.

Do you know the current location of any of the remains of your ancestors that we beheaded—specifically the heads?

Have you ever left flowers or explosives anywhere along the border where a brown man or woman was lynched?

How many family members do you have in your pocket right now?

Do you have anything in your blood that you would like to declare?

Are you able to provide us with any of your family members—specifically children

     —that you will return in case we need you to come down here again?

Can you lay your trauma on the table and keep it separate from any terror

That your family may have packed for you?

Were any of your bags packed by any ghosts that are not related to you?

Are you a monolinguist or a bilinguist?

Have you ever used a second language in an act of violence?

Have you ever used your second language to help others cross the border illegally?

Does speaking English hurt when you swallow?

Do you consider Spanish a colonized tongue even on Sundays?

Provide evidence of at least two locations in North America where you have resided

     where the majority of the swear words spoken were in English?

Would you consider shortening or even changing your history so that it’s easier for Americans to pronounce it?

Have you ever driven across a border with the bones of a Conquistador in your trunk?

Are you able to provide us with a photo of one of your ancestors

In the process of committing a “foreign” act?

Do you dream in English more than three times a week?

Do you have any other unused languages stashed under your tongue?

Does your mispronunciation of English words follow immediate and sincere shame?

Have you ever worked as a stereotype before?

Are there any bones out there not related to you that will speak up on your behalf?

Can you provide receipts for any time that you have been called “wetback” “illegal” “beaner” “spic”?

Do you feel these statements were insults or acts of patriotism?

Would you press charges if someone shot you in English?

Do you read in between the lines of the National Anthem?

Can you imitate someone reciting the Lord’s Prayer?

Do you set your clock back for daylight colonized saving time?

Do you cry at some point on the 4th of July while a Tijuana dubbed in English Oliver Stone movie is playing?

How long did it take you to walk from here?

Do you remember the way back?

Could you take other people back with you?

Have you ever provided this service for money?

Did you smoke any milagros during your time in Mexico?

Would you like to talk to someone that you cannot relate to at all about this?

Did you need an interpreter for anything that I just said?

Would you consider your survival here an act of aggression against North America’s borders?

Or put another way:

Is the fact that you and your culture

not dead yet

despite everything that we have done to you so far something that should concern us?

Wait here while we evaluate your answers and keep your hands where we can see them.

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Previously printed in Civil Liberties United: Diverse Voices from the San Francisco Bay Area, edited by Shizue Seigel, Pease Press, 2019